How Does the Gay-I Work?

What Is the Gay-I?

The Gay-I is our proprietary dad analysis system. It was built by our founders, Con and Mark, who noticed that AI was being used for workflow automation, summarization, and business intelligence, and asked a simple question: does any of that really matter if my dad's gay?

"Proprietary" means we own it. It does not mean we know what is inside it. We invested literally minutes of development, most of which went into choosing the font.

How the Gay-I Analyzes a Dad Photo, Step by Step

Every analysis follows the same process. We drew it as a flowchart once, but the flowchart was just these bullets with arrows between them.

• Step 1: Upload. You upload a photo of your dad. Any photo works. The Gay-I prefers one where he is standing near a grill, but it does not complain.
• Step 2: Intake. The Gay-I looks at the photo. We are fairly confident this step happens.
• Step 3: Dad doubts. The photo is combined with completely natural dad doubts. These are the same doubts you already had, run through a computer, which makes them feel more official.
• Step 4: Cross-reference. The Gay-I checks what it sees against our Research Library: his shoes, his sunglasses, his inseam. If he is holding a drink with fruit in it, it consults the cocktail data.
• Step 5: Scoring. A number between 0 and 100 comes out. We call it the Gay Score. How the number is chosen is proprietary (see above).
• Step 6: Case file. The Gay-I writes up its findings as numbered evidence, the way a detective would if the detective were very interested in a man's quarter-zip.
• Step 7: Forgetting. The photo is let go. More on that below.

The 50% Accuracy Guarantee

The Gay-I is guaranteed to be accurate 50% of the time, every time. We are proud of this number. Most products will not tell you how often they are wrong. We will. It is the other 50%.

Some users have pointed out that a coin flip offers the same accuracy. This is true. But a coin cannot comment on a man's linen shirt, and we think that matters.

Our quality assurance process consists of Con uploading a photo of his own dad every few weeks and seeing what happens. The results have been consistent with the guarantee.

What Happens to Your Dad's Photo

Photos submitted to the Gay-I are not permanently stored or shared, and we do not collect personal information. The Gay-I looks at your dad once, forms an opinion, and moves on. In this way it is more emotionally mature than most of the dads it analyzes.

When people ask whether their data is secure, we tell them the truth, which is that we are honestly not sure what most of the machinery is doing. Everything seems chill though. We are not keeping the photos either way. We would not know where to put them.

Can the Gay-I Actually Tell If Your Dad Is Gay?

No. The Gay-I reads shoes, grills, and houseplants. Sexuality is not in any of those places, and no algorithm, ours included, can find it in a photo. The only person who can tell you about your dad is your dad.

If the Gay-I has already given you a reading and you are unsure what to do with it, our researchers wrote a guide for exactly that. The short version is that it is wrong half the time, which we may have mentioned.

Frequently Asked Questions