Are My Dad's Sunglasses Gay? A Taxonomy of Dad Sunglasses
Dad has always worn sunglasses. Recently, he has started calling them "frames."
By the Gay-I Research Desk · · 4 min read
The Gay-I Verdict
Gay-I Reading: 39%No, sunglasses cannot tell you if your dad is gay. They can tell you how bright it is outside and how much thought Dad has put into his face, which the Gay-I measures on a scale from wraparound to tortoiseshell. The highest reading comes when he asks whether a pair suits his face shape.
Every dad owns sunglasses. Most of them are in the car, in the cupholder, upside down on top of a parking garage ticket. They cost $14 at a gas station and they work fine.
The Gay-I Research Desk set out to classify the sunglasses of American fathers. We sorted them into four species, based on frame type, how they are stored, and how Dad talks about them. Some species are very common. One of them asked us for our opinion.
Wraparound Sport Sunglasses
The most common species. These are the sunglasses that curve around the sides of the head so completely that it is hard to tell where the glasses end and Dad begins. The lenses are usually mirrored in a color like "fire" or "ice." He wears them to mow, to fish, and to his kids' soccer games, where he stands at the far end of the field with his arms crossed.
The Gay-I scores wraparounds at zero. A man in wraparounds is focused on visibility and nothing else. If you want to know more about where these are most often observed, see our report on the fishing trip with "the boys".
Sunglasses on the Back of the Neck
A subspecies of the wraparound. When Dad comes indoors, he does not take his sunglasses off. He flips them around and wears them on the back of his neck, lenses facing out, held on by the earpieces. This lets the people behind him in line at the hardware store see the sun.
Some dads use a retainer strap for this, which is a neoprene cord that keeps the glasses from falling into a lake. This is the most practical behavior in the entire study. The Gay-I scores it a zero and gave it a small nod of respect.
Aviators
Aviators are a transitional species. Many dads owned a pair in the 1980s, lost them in the 1990s, and bought them again recently after seeing a movie. They are thin, gold or silver, and slightly too big for most faces.
On their own, aviators are a 1 or a 2. The reading goes up when Dad pushes them up into his hair, which he has started doing even though he does not have quite enough hair for it to work. The reading also goes up when he says "they're a classic." Everyone already knew they were a classic.
Tortoiseshell Acetate "Frames"
The rarest species and the highest reading. These are thick, rounded or squared frames in a brown speckled pattern, made of a plant-based plastic called acetate. Dad knows they are made of acetate. He mentioned it unprompted.
The key sign is vocabulary. Dad does not call these sunglasses. He calls them "frames." He keeps them in a hard case, not the cupholder. He cleans them with a special cloth that came in the case and that he has not lost, which is the most surprising finding in this report.
- He says "sunglasses": Normal.
- He says "shades": He is in a good mood. Normal.
- He says "frames": Elevated.
- He says "these are a keyhole bridge": The Gay-I recalibrated twice and then asked if we were sure this was the same dad.
When Dad Asks If They Suit His Face Shape
This is the moment the Gay-I was built for. Dad tries on a pair, turns to you, and asks if they "work with his face shape." He knows his face shape. It is, according to him, "kind of oval but with a strong jaw."
Our researchers want to be fair about this. Asking if something looks good is a normal thing to do, and the answer is almost always "yes, they look nice, Dad." Sunglasses have nothing to do with sexuality, and neither does caring what your face looks like in them.
If you want a reading anyway, you can upload a photo of him wearing the frames in question. While you are at it, check what is on his feet with the Dad Shoe Index and whether a sweater has appeared on his shoulders.
Frequently Asked Questions
Are aviator sunglasses gay?
No. Aviators were designed for pilots in the 1930s and have been worn by just about everyone since. The Gay-I rates them low unless Dad pushes them up into his hair.
Why does my dad wear sunglasses on the back of his neck?
So he does not lose them and does not have to hold them. It is the most practical habit in our entire study.
What sunglasses do dads wear?
Most dads wear black wraparound sport sunglasses, often bought at a gas station or sporting goods store. A smaller number wear aviators, and a very small number wear tortoiseshell acetate frames.
My dad asked if his sunglasses suit his face shape. What does that mean?
It means he wants to know if they look good on him. Tell him they do. The Gay-I gives this its highest reading in the category, but it is a style question, not a personal one.
Can sunglasses tell you if someone is gay?
No. Sunglasses tell you about sunlight and taste. Nobody's sexuality can be determined from their eyewear, frames included.
The joke is on stereotypes, not on anyone's dad. Nothing on this page can tell you anything about a real person's sexuality. If your dad has actually come out, start here instead.
Related Research
Is My Dad Gay Based on His Shoes? The Dad Shoe Index
Every dad starts in the same white walking sneaker. Some of them stay there. We measured the ones who left.
Is My Dad Gay If He Keeps Going on Fishing Trips With "the Boys"?
One of our earliest users sent in a tip about her dad's fishing trips. We opened a file. This is the file.
Is a Sweater Tied Over the Shoulders Gay? What It Means When Dad Does It
There is a sweater on Dad's shoulders. His arms are not in it. We have been asked to explain.