My Dad Came Out as Gay. Now What?
This one isn't a joke. If your dad just told you he's gay, start here.
By the Is My Dad Gay? team · · 3 min read
The Short Answer
If your dad told you he is gay, he trusted you with something important, and whatever you are feeling right now (surprised, relieved, confused, sad, fine) is normal. You don't need to have the right reaction today. Organizations like COLAGE, which exists specifically for people with LGBTQ+ parents, and PFLAG can help you work through it.
The rest of this website is satire. We make jokes about linen shirts and musicals because the idea that you can tell someone's sexuality from their habits is ridiculous. But a lot of people land here because they typed "is my dad gay" into a search bar for real reasons, and some of them already know the answer because he told them.
If that is you, this page is the straight answer.
What You Might Be Feeling Is Normal
People react to a parent coming out in all kinds of ways, and most react in more than one way at once. Some people feel relieved because something finally makes sense. Some feel blindsided. Some feel protective of their other parent, or worried about what it means for the family, or guilty for not feeling happier about it. Some feel nothing much at all and wonder if that is wrong. It isn't.
Your dad has probably been thinking about this for a long time, maybe years. You have had a few minutes, days, or weeks. It is fair to need time to catch up.
He Is Still Your Dad
The person who taught you to ride a bike, embarrassed you in front of your friends, and fell asleep during movies is the same person. Coming out does not change who he is. It changes how much of himself he is letting you see.
Telling you was likely one of the harder conversations of his life. Many parents wait until they feel sure their kids will be okay, which says something about how much he cares how this lands for you.
How to Talk to Him About It
There is no script, but these tend to help:
- Say something, even if it is small. "Thank you for telling me" or "I love you, I just need some time" goes a long way.
- Ask questions if you have them. How long he has known, how he is feeling, what happens next. Most parents would rather be asked than wonder what you are thinking.
- You don't have to have it all figured out. It is okay to come back to the conversation later.
- It is his story to share. Before telling friends or relatives, ask him who knows and who he wants to tell himself.
- If your parents are separating, that is a lot at once. It is okay to have feelings about the divorce that are separate from your feelings about him being gay.
Where to Find Support
You are far from the only person going through this. These organizations exist for exactly this situation:
- COLAGE: a national community run by and for people with LGBTQ+ parents, with peer groups, events, and resources for kids, teens, and adults.
- PFLAG: the largest organization for families and friends of LGBTQ+ people, with local chapters and support meetings across the U.S.
- Family Equality: resources and community for LGBTQ+ families.
- The Trevor Project: 24/7 crisis support for LGBTQ+ young people, if you are also working through questions about yourself.
About the Rest of This Site
Is My Dad Gay? is a parody. Our "Gay-I" can't tell anyone's sexuality from a photo, and neither can anything else. The joke has always been on stereotypes, not on dads who are gay or the families who love them. If you came here for a laugh later on, the Research Library will be here.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to feel upset that my dad came out?
Yes. Feeling surprised, confused, or upset is a common reaction, and it does not mean you don't love or accept him. Feelings usually settle with time and honest conversation.
Does my dad being gay mean our family is ending?
Not necessarily. Some parents separate after one comes out and some don't, and either way he is still your parent. If your parents are separating, it is okay to talk to them, a counselor, or a support group about it.
Who can I talk to about my dad coming out?
COLAGE connects people who have LGBTQ+ parents with peers who have been through the same thing, and PFLAG runs local support groups for family members. A school counselor or therapist can also help.
Should I tell other people that my dad is gay?
Ask him first. Coming out is personal, and he may want to tell certain people himself or in his own time.
Can you tell if your dad is gay from how he acts?
No. Sexual orientation can't be read from clothes, hobbies, or habits. The only way to know is if he tells you.
This page is not satire. The rest of this site is. If you are looking for jokes, the Research Library is that way.
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