Is It Gay to Moisturize? A Dad Skincare Report

Is It Gay for Men to Moisturize?

No. This is the most searched question on this topic, so we want to answer it plainly before we go back to being ourselves. Moisturizer is a product that stops skin from getting dry and itchy. Men have skin. It gets dry. Dermatologists generally recommend moisturizer for everybody.

The Gay-I scores moisturizing at zero. If your dad has started moisturizing, he has started taking care of his face, and that is all the information this gives you. His face will probably look better for it, and he will probably mention that.

The Baseline: Bar Soap as Face Wash

Our control group is the bar soap dad. He believes soap is soap. He has never bought a product for one specific part of his body. When his face feels tight after washing, he describes this as "clean."

Bar soap dads make up a large share of our sample. We estimate 71%, which is a number we made up while looking at a bar of soap. These dads are not at risk of anything except mild flaking around the eyebrows.

The Five Stages of Dad Skincare

After reviewing many bathroom counters, the Gay-I Research Desk identified five stages. Most dads stop at stage two. Some keep going.

• Stage 1, The Borrow: He "borrowed" Mom's moisturizer once because his face was dry from a ski trip. He used a lot. He says it "felt weird but good."
• Stage 2, His Own Jar: He bought his own moisturizer. It is in a gray or black container and the word "men" is on it somewhere. This is the most common stage and it carries no reading at all.
• Stage 3, Daily SPF: He wears sunscreen on cloudy days now. He read that UV gets through clouds. He will tell you that UV gets through clouds.
• Stage 4, The Nightly Routine: He has a sequence. Cleanser, then something, then something else, then moisturizer. He will not come to bed until the sequence is done. Mom has started calling it "his little spa."
• Stage 5, The Jade Roller: It lives in the refrigerator. He uses it on his face in the morning while the coffee brews. The Gay-I gave this one a 3 out of 5, mostly because the roller is right next to the eggs.

The Jade Roller in the Refrigerator

We want to spend a moment on the jade roller, because it was the single most reported item in skincare submissions. A jade roller is a small stone roller that you move across your face. It is supposed to reduce puffiness. Whether it does is between Dad and the roller.

What interested our researchers was the commitment. A jade roller dad has made space for it in the refrigerator. He has moved the mustard. He is not embarrassed about this, and he should not be. Similar levels of commitment show up in dads who never skip a workout, as documented in our leg day frequency study, and in dads whose cologne now comes in a heavy glass bottle.

What a Skincare Routine Actually Tells You

It tells you your dad cares about his skin. That is it. Moisturizing, sunscreen, and even a refrigerated stone roller say nothing about who a person is attracted to, and no amount of products on a counter will answer that question.

If you still want a reading, you can upload a photo of him after the nightly routine and let the Gay-I take a look at the glow directly. We cannot promise it will be accurate. We can promise his skin will look nice in it.

Frequently Asked Questions