Is It Gay for a Man to Wear Cologne? Decoding Dad's Scent Profile
For years Dad smelled like deodorant and the garage. Then he walked past a fragrance counter.
By the Gay-I Research Desk · · 4 min read
The Gay-I Verdict
Gay-I Reading: 64%No, wearing cologne is not gay. Men of every orientation wear cologne, and how someone smells tells you nothing about who they are attracted to. The Gay-I does flag one specific behavior: a dad who owns several bottles and rotates them by season has developed a fragrance wardrobe, and we have questions about the wardrobe.
Historically, a dad's scent profile has three notes: deodorant, coffee, and whatever he just did in the yard. If he was going somewhere nice, he added a fourth note, which was a can of drugstore body spray applied in a single long burst from about six inches away.
The Gay-I Research Desk has received a growing number of reports that this is changing. Dads are going to the mall. Dads are standing still at the fragrance counter. Dads are being handed little paper strips and smelling them thoughtfully. We investigated.
Body Spray and Old Spice: The Baseline Dad Scent
The baseline is anything you can buy in the same aisle as razors and toothpaste. Old Spice, a body spray in a can with a name like "Glacier" or "Thunder," or a gift set he received in 2011 that still has two items left in it. The Gay-I scores all of these at or near zero.
The defining feature of baseline scent is that Dad does not think about it. He does not know what it smells like. If you ask him, he will say "it smells like deodorant" or "it smells clean." He is not wrong.
The Department Store Counter Incident
Most cases begin the same way. Dad is walking through a department store to get to the part of the mall he actually wants. Someone at the fragrance counter offers him a spritz. He says yes, mostly to be polite.
Twenty minutes later he is back at the counter. He would like to try "the one with the wood in it" again. He leaves with a bottle that cost more than his last pair of shoes, and on the drive home he smells his own wrist at two separate red lights.
Our researchers want to stress that this is a normal thing that happens to people. It is also, according to the Gay-I, the moment the reading starts to move.
Signature Scent vs. Seasonal Rotation
Once a dad has one real bottle, he may stop there. One bottle is a signature scent. He wears it to weddings and the occasional dinner, and it lasts him about nine years. This is fine.
Some dads do not stop there. The Gay-I sorted what happens next into stages.
- One bottle: A signature scent. Classic. He bought it once and is done thinking about it.
- Two bottles: One for "day" and one for "night." He has said the phrase "it's more of an evening scent" out loud at least once.
- Three or more bottles, rotated by season: He has a summer scent that is "fresher" and a winter scent that is "warmer." He keeps them on a small tray.
- He knows the word "notes": He told you this one has "notes of vetiver." Nobody in the family knows what vetiver is. The Gay-I does not know either.
What Dad's Cologne Is Actually Telling You
Our data shows that dads who rotate fragrances by season are 45% more likely to also own a facial moisturizer, which is covered in our report on whether it is gay to moisturize. We made that number up, but it feels right. They are also more likely to be invited to brunch, probably because they smell nice.
Here is the honest finding: cologne tells you that a person wants to smell good. That is the entire message. Straight men wear cologne, gay men wear cologne, and some of each just use the body spray. You cannot learn anything about someone's sexuality from a bottle on the bathroom counter.
If you would still like a reading, you can upload a photo of him and the Gay-I will do its best. It cannot smell the photo. We looked into adding that and it was outside our budget, which is zero dollars.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it gay for a man to wear cologne?
No. Cologne is worn by men of all orientations and has been for centuries. Smelling good is not a sexuality.
Is body spray or cologne better for dads?
The Gay-I has no preference, but our researchers note that body spray is usually applied in a single long burst, and cologne is usually applied in two small sprays to the neck. One of these is easier to be in a car with.
My dad bought cologne at the mall. What does it mean?
It means someone at a fragrance counter offered him a spritz and he liked it. That is how almost everyone ends up with a bottle of cologne.
Why does my dad have more than one cologne?
Some people like to switch scents by season or occasion, the same way they switch jackets. The Gay-I rates a seasonal rotation highly, but it is really just a hobby.
Can someone's cologne tell you if they are gay?
No. A fragrance tells you what someone likes to smell like and nothing about who they love. That includes Dad and his vetiver.
The joke is on stereotypes, not on anyone's dad. Nothing on this page can tell you anything about a real person's sexuality. If your dad has actually come out, start here instead.
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