Is My Dad Gay If He Does Yoga?
It started as stretching before golf. Now there is a mat in the trunk.
By the Gay-I Research Desk · · 3 min read
The Gay-I Verdict
Gay-I Reading: 37%No, doing yoga does not make your dad gay. It means his lower back hurts and someone told him this would help, which it probably will. The Gay-I does raise an eyebrow if he says "namaste" and means it.
Most dads arrive at yoga by accident. A doctor mentions his hamstrings. A coworker says it fixed his back. His wife signs up for a class and he goes once so she will stop asking, and then he goes again.
A few months later there is a mat in the trunk and he is calling it "my practice." The family is concerned. Our researchers looked into it, and one of them has since bought a mat.
Stretching Before Golf Is the Baseline
Every dad stretches before golf. He puts a club behind his shoulders and twists left and right twice. He touches somewhere near his knees. This takes nine seconds and he considers it a warm-up.
The Gay-I treats this as the control group. Golf stretching is not yoga. It is a man reminding his back that it is about to be asked for something. If this is all your dad does, you can close this tab. If you would like to keep going, our golf trip risk assessment covers what happens after the stretching.
The Yoga Signal Index
Once a dad moves past the golf stretch, things can go a lot of different directions. Here is how the Gay-I scores them.
| Signal | Gay-I Strength | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Golf stretch with a club | The national standard. Nine seconds. Twisting is optional. | |
| Follows a yoga video in the living room | He is doing it in private, with the blinds closed, on the carpet. This is a dad trying something. | |
| Keeps a yoga mat in the trunk | He wants to be ready. For what is unclear. | |
| Goes to a class with strangers | He showed up in basketball shorts and stood in the back row. This takes courage. | |
| Hot yoga | He paid to be in a room set to 105 degrees. On purpose. In the summer. | |
| Owns yoga pants | He will say they are "just joggers." They are not joggers. | |
| Says "namaste" without irony | See below. |
Hot Yoga and the Question of Why
Regular yoga can be explained by a bad back. Hot yoga is harder to explain. This is a man who keeps the thermostat at 68 and will tell you about it. Then he drives across town to a room that feels like a parked car in August.
Our data shows that 82% of dads who try hot yoga say "I sweated more than I ever have in my life" within ten minutes of getting home. We made that number up, but it feels right. The other 18% have not stopped talking about it long enough to be surveyed. Some of them have also started moisturizing, which is a separate report.
Saying "Namaste" and Owning Yoga Pants
There are two ways a dad can say "namaste." The first is with his hands together, in a slightly too-loud voice, as a joke at the end of a family dinner. This is fine. It is a bit.
The second is at the end of the class, quietly, with his eyes closed, and he means it. The Gay-I does not know how to process this. Neither does the rest of the family. It turns out yoga can make a person a little more calm, and for some households that is the most surprising finding in this report.
- Namaste as a joke: 0. He is doing a voice.
- Namaste in class only: 2. He is following the room.
- Namaste to the cashier at the grocery store: The Gay-I logged it and suggested he drink some water.
- Yoga pants worn to class: Practical. They make them for this.
- Yoga pants worn to Home Depot: He is comfortable now. That is the whole update.
What To Do With This Information
Nothing. Exercise is not a sexuality. Straight men do yoga, gay men skip leg day, and a dad who can touch his toes at 58 is a dad who will be able to pick up his grandkids. For more on that, see our leg day frequency study.
If you would still like a reading, you can upload a photo of him and the Gay-I will look for signs of flexibility.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it gay if my dad does yoga?
No. Yoga is exercise that helps with flexibility, balance, and back pain, which are all things dads need. Liking it says nothing about who he loves.
Is it gay for a man to do yoga?
No. Plenty of men do yoga, including athletes, soldiers, and your dentist. It is stretching with a name.
Why does my dad keep a yoga mat in his car?
So he does not forget it, or so he can tell people he has one. Either way, it is next to his golf clubs and they seem to be getting along.
My dad started wearing yoga pants. What does that mean?
It means he found out yoga pants are comfortable. Everyone who tries them finds this out eventually.
Can a workout tell you if someone is gay?
No. How someone exercises tells you where it hurts, and that is the whole joke. Nobody's sexuality shows up on a yoga mat.
The joke is on stereotypes, not on anyone's dad. Nothing on this page can tell you anything about a real person's sexuality. If your dad has actually come out, start here instead.
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