Is My Dad Gay If He Hugs His Friends?
He hugged his buddy at the cookout for a full three seconds. Our researchers timed it.
By the Gay-I Research Desk · · 3 min read
The Gay-I Verdict
Gay-I Reading: 12%No, hugging his friends does not make your dad gay. It means he has friends and is glad to see them, which is one of the best things a dad can have. The Gay-I tried to find something suspicious about this and could not.
Dad's friend comes over. The two of them meet in the driveway. Instead of a handshake, there is a hug. The child watching from the kitchen window has questions, and some of those questions end up typed into a search bar.
We took this one seriously. Our researchers spent a long weekend observing dads at cookouts, airports, and one retirement party. What we found was mostly men being happy to see each other, which turned out to be harder to make fun of than we expected.
The Dad Hug Scale
Every dad hug can be placed somewhere on the scale below. The Gay-I scored each one. You will notice the scores stay low. That is because there is not much here.
| Signal | Gay-I Strength | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Handshake that turns into a one-arm back-pat hug | The national standard. Two pats, sometimes three. Usually followed by "good to see you, buddy." | |
| Full two-arm hug | He has not seen this guy since the last reunion. It is allowed. | |
| Hug lasting longer than two pats | Something real happened. A new grandkid, a retirement, a knee surgery that went well. | |
| Hug with a slight rock side to side | This is the hug of a man who has missed his friend. We found it moving, honestly. | |
| "Love you, man" | See below. This is the most important finding in the report. |
The One-Arm Back-Pat Hug Is the Baseline
For most of the last century, this was the only hug available to American dads. It begins as a handshake. The hands stay locked. One arm goes around the back and delivers two firm pats, the way you would check a watermelon. Then it is over and both men look at the yard.
The Gay-I treats this as the control group. It is efficient and friendly and nobody has to make eye contact. You will see it at golf courses, funerals, and anywhere a man has just finished helping another man move a couch. It also shows up a lot after a fishing trip with the boys.
What It Means When Dad Says "Love You, Man"
This phrase is usually said at the end of a phone call, the end of a long dinner, or at the airport after a golf trip. It is often said quickly, so it can be taken back if necessary. It is rarely taken back.
Our data shows that dads who say "love you, man" to their friends live 11 years longer than dads who do not. We made that number up, but we would like it to be true. A man who can tell his friend he loves him is a man who has people around him, and that is what you want for your dad.
- Said once a year, at a wedding: Standard. Weddings do this to people.
- Said at the end of most phone calls with an old friend: He has a best friend. Good.
- Said to a friend, then also to you: He is working on it. Say it back.
What To Do With This Information
Nothing, except maybe be glad. Hugging is not a sexuality. Straight men hug their friends, gay men hug their friends, and the men who never hug anybody are the ones we would actually check on. If your dad has friends he is happy to see, he is doing better than a lot of people.
If you still want a reading, you can upload a photo of him and the Gay-I will do its best. It would prefer a photo from the cookout.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it gay if my dad hugs his friends?
No. Hugging a friend is a normal way to say you are glad to see them. Men have been doing it forever, and the ones who do it tend to have good friendships.
Is it gay for men to hug each other?
No. A hug is a greeting, a congratulations, or a way of saying you are sorry for someone. It works the same for everybody.
Why does my dad say "love you, man" to his friends?
Because he loves his friends. That is the whole explanation. The "man" at the end is there to help him get it out.
My dad hugged his friend for a long time. Should I be worried?
No. Long hugs usually mean something big happened, good or bad. If you are curious, ask him how his friend is doing.
Can a hug tell you if someone is gay?
No. A hug tells you two people like each other, and that is the whole joke. You cannot learn anyone's sexuality from how they say hello.
The joke is on stereotypes, not on anyone's dad. Nothing on this page can tell you anything about a real person's sexuality. If your dad has actually come out, start here instead.
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